Alive

The purpose for this blog is to put down some notes ..

CDs/Songs to download:
j. boogie's dubtronic science
james morrison - nothing ever hurt like you
teach U a lesson - robin thicke
the kills - midnight boom
rachael yamagata - happenstance

Books to read:
Life as we knew it - Nicholas Sparks
The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks
American Earth: Environmental Writing Since Thoreau - Bill McKibben
The Almost Moon - Alice Sebold
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society - Mary Ann Schaffer
Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse
What Have You Lost? - Naomi Shihab Nye
Sophie's World: A Novel about the History of Philosophy - Jostein Gaarder
The Last Summer of You & Me - Ann Brashares ( Have it!)
*finish the last installment of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

I doubt I'll get to all those books this year, but it'll be a long-term goal :)

Movies to rent:
Another Cinderella Story
Made of Honor
Never Back Down
Stop-Loss
Jack & Jill vs. The World
My Sassy Girl

Things to do:
Pay Kaye for Dimsum
Create list of employed students
Write down all assignments & events in planner
Research majors and colleges
Research potential jobs
Ask mom for money for clubs/events/debt
Study SATs!!!!!!

I wonder what second semester will be like? Oh myyy.

Sure Hope You Mean It

So I'm watching the first show of my Monday night and felt bored cause this episode of Gossip Girl isn't very interesting. Hopefully OTH is muuuuch better.

Lately I've gotten my daily schedule for the week down, but my brain doesn't seem to function well. Constantly, I feel like my "intelligence" is so much lower than everyone elses and I'm just too lazy to prove myself wrong. It's whatever. 1st grading period ends soon. Hopefully my mom doesn't nag me about the two B-'s I'll have on there. Sheeeeeeet.

For the next two weeks, my priority is getting my grades up and SATs! Oh man, those are in two weeks. I've been on freerice.com so much, my fingers are hurting from clicking too many times. Haha. Hopefully I can also get through my entire book by the end of these two weeks. I don't think I'll be online much for the next two days and then I'm not sure about Thursday either.

I'm excited for the events to come. $$ is also to be spent and saved. Grr my shopping urges will test my ability to save. Anyone who reads this, HELP ME OVERCOME THEM! Lmao.

My Plan

School is a drag, but I'm trying to get through the RIGHT WAY. No cheating, no not turning in assignments. It's really difficult though. Especially with reading Wuthering Heights and Trig. Oh boyy trig, kill me.

Lately I feel like so awkward. Everywhere I go I feel like I'm out of the loop and everyone knows something that I'm unaware of. Or even like I just came into a room and its like people have just been talking about me. I put these thoughts into my head and they stay for quite awhile. Sometimes I exaggerate it all which does not help at all because for one, it lowers my self-esteem and secondly it causes me to perceive the real story wrong. Ugh. I don't act like everything is awkward, but trust me, I feel completely scared all the time. And sometimes I feel like everyone has suddenly changed including myself and we've all changed so that it doesn't flow. Or atleast I feel like I'm the one not going with the flow of changes, but everyone else is. I feel like I can't go anywhere without trying to avoid something or someone so it causes me to not be the kind of person I want to. I realize that it is mostly my fault for trying to avoid everything.

Summer ended too soon. I wasn't ready. I wish I could have came back to school knowing exactly who I want to be for the upcoming year, but unfortunately now I have no idea. I'm a people pleaser and if there's something wrong between me and something or someone else, I have to fix it or else it pretty much bugs me. It may not be a confrontation or a full overnight change, but somehow I just have to try to make things right.

Erg. jsdalsjflkmvktejnbnrtkbndlkjhsdkfjnsd;kfjewrk;gkdlfjhbkdfjnglkdfjnfkjlsdnh
alk;f;hfkwernrklndfkhgjkshfkjsdkgkjerherkgfkhgfhkgfhkjfdgfkj <-- this is me letting out my frustration.

i need help. forreal.

In the Ayer

The nice weather has now faded away. I guess its good. The hot weather irritated me a few times.

I wish the internet wasn't so interesting so that I could easily resist it and concentrate more on school.

My Goals for the rest of year:
_Lose 5 lbs
x Pay my debts to Berna, lol.
_Save the money I have now until November
_Finish college apps by mid-Oct
_Study every Tues & Thursday until SATs
_Go online 4 days a week, an hour & a half each day
_If I have a desperate urge to shop, go to secondhand stores
_Gym atleast once a week
_50+ crunches a day (what a setback =[ ..)
_Spend time with friends MONEY FREE

I'll probably add more as I think of them. For now, I'm going to finish my web design hw and then watch the VMAs :)

The Call