My Plan

School is a drag, but I'm trying to get through the RIGHT WAY. No cheating, no not turning in assignments. It's really difficult though. Especially with reading Wuthering Heights and Trig. Oh boyy trig, kill me.

Lately I feel like so awkward. Everywhere I go I feel like I'm out of the loop and everyone knows something that I'm unaware of. Or even like I just came into a room and its like people have just been talking about me. I put these thoughts into my head and they stay for quite awhile. Sometimes I exaggerate it all which does not help at all because for one, it lowers my self-esteem and secondly it causes me to perceive the real story wrong. Ugh. I don't act like everything is awkward, but trust me, I feel completely scared all the time. And sometimes I feel like everyone has suddenly changed including myself and we've all changed so that it doesn't flow. Or atleast I feel like I'm the one not going with the flow of changes, but everyone else is. I feel like I can't go anywhere without trying to avoid something or someone so it causes me to not be the kind of person I want to. I realize that it is mostly my fault for trying to avoid everything.

Summer ended too soon. I wasn't ready. I wish I could have came back to school knowing exactly who I want to be for the upcoming year, but unfortunately now I have no idea. I'm a people pleaser and if there's something wrong between me and something or someone else, I have to fix it or else it pretty much bugs me. It may not be a confrontation or a full overnight change, but somehow I just have to try to make things right.

Erg. jsdalsjflkmvktejnbnrtkbndlkjhsdkfjnsd;kfjewrk;gkdlfjhbkdfjnglkdfjnfkjlsdnh
alk;f;hfkwernrklndfkhgjkshfkjsdkgkjerherkgfkhgfhkgfhkjfdgfkj <-- this is me letting out my frustration.

i need help. forreal.