Just One Night

Today started out as a blah day and it ended as a blah day. These days suck.

So to start off my day with blah, I basically failed my Algebra 2 test. Well hopefully not a full fail but not something that would bring my grade up. I hit myself for everytime I think about those STUPID STUPID errors. Fuck.
Then I mess up Sam's cyanotype. Ugh I'm really sorry for that. Ugh.
3rd was okay, except for the fact that I lost my book still bothers me alot.
4th was okay too.
5th was blah because I don't understand how to do the lewis dot structures or what shapes they are. Then we have a quiz tomorrow about assignments I should have done. STUPID ACT #4.
And then 6th was so annoying because Jeremiah and Diana wouldn't stop teasing me about supposedly liking ------. WTF. I don't like him. It got to the point where I almost just wanted to scream. They were even bribing him to ask me to prom. That's where I started really getting pissed. I maintained myself afterschool. Except for those small stupid things I should've considered and done. UGH. mistakes and more mistakes.

Then tomorrow. more UGH. I'm going to miss the rally. I know that its not that an important rally, but c'mon they're pretty much always fun. But after what I'm doing I'm going to go watch the play so that I can get some extra credit from Mr. Adams for failing that test.

All this school business overwhelms me. Next up to think about is SATs, AP testing, FBLA, STAR testing, summer school. I need a smarter brain. Upgrade please.

Edit:// You know what else is sad. How there are some things that are impossible when they weren't impossible 7 years ago. Today I was telling my mom about the GATE photography field trip and she read the permission slip which said Beach Chalet. She said she wanted to go one day. And I asked why. She said because my dad would always get mad at her because they never had the time to go there. And now .. its impossible to go with him. Him physically being there is never going to happen. And that makes me think why. WHY US. WHY ME. WHY MY DAD. WHY SO EARLY. WHY BEFORE I COULD ACTUALLY GROW UP. It just really sucks. I'll be missing out on a lot of things. I can't stop missing him. I can't stop thinking of him after every bad thing that I do or that happens to me. I can hide it all, but it will never be gone. Time to go pessimistic, but maybe I should never get married, so I won't have to walk to the alter alone...

Feedback

yes. no. maybe so?
i don't know.
build it up or tear it down?

I DON'T KNOWWWWWWW!

Bleeding Love

Wow. I noticed that the songs that I listen to when I start each blog has the word 'love'. Means nothing, but it's kind of funny. But anyways ...

Went to Boulevard Cafe for Alex's birthday. The mac n cheese was pretty bomb. Too bad I couldn't finish it, they gave alot. Had a small trouble during dinner ..

*off topic, but i really want things to go back to the way they were before. i mean, right now, i'm still pretty upset of how this whole thing has gone, but i can't stay bitter for long. It may come back, but it's never a continous type of thing. This 'issue' keeps me from having a really good junior year. It doesn't really matter to me anymore whether im in 'it or not. I was upset, now I'm like yeah okay, we've drifted, I've put my contribution to the friendship and I hope something good in return happens for me. Same goes for the rest of the girls. I know right now some of the girls are more upset than I am, but hopefully (this'll sound weird) we can be better than just staying bitter towards another and just be the group we once were. it probably will not be the same as before, but maybe better or maybe worse. depends ... -- maybe right now i'm just reminiscent over EVERYTHING in my life that I want everything to be okay.

Back to last night .. uhhh went to J-town to karaoke but it turned out there was an hour wait. Damn, never go there on a Friday. So while we were waiting I spotted this yogurt place. And it was basically like Pinkberrry, but somehow not as good =/ Still enjoyed it and might go there again. =) Then we waited for awhile at the karaoke place, but it took too long and plus there were like 3 groups in front of us, so my mom was tired (she was the one giving us a ride) so we just went home. It's okay though, we're planning on going soon ;)

Lovefool

For once, today I actually wanted to go do errands with my mom and not just stay home on the computer. So we went to a bunch of different places to look for a new toaster oven and get other things. We went to Hillsdale and when we were leaving this woman walking the opposite direction looks at me and my mom and says "Hey you two, smile." We were both like uhh .. hahah. We didn't even look sad or anything. I guess we have a thing for looking mad or sad when we ARE NOT! lol.
Then after all that we went to Borders. Nothing good there. I think Barnes&Noble is better. Although, I did see these interesting 'go green tip' type books. Makes me want to start going green. I was about to buy it, but I thought that I could just get all this stuff off the internet. THEDAILYGREEN.COM is a good site for tips. I think An Inconvenient Truth hella opened my eyes. I mean, I knew that we're damaging our earth, but I never knew the facts or how we desperately need to change our ways before everything is chaotic.

I gotta stop drinking bottled water. Some are just tap water and too much plastic is being produced because it. Time to use a refillable bottle.

Blahh .. I think I'm going to go on the bike for about 45 minutes then do my daily 200 crunches. Let's go to the gym soon guys .... please? Or take a walk! Mm even better for the environment.

If You Can't Say Love

It's a very nice day for once and I'm home sick. Grrreat. Hella perfect. Probably got sick from last night. Gloria's little get together. Pretty chill. Went to Dianne's to bake a cake and then drove to Jays. Jay wanted to go out so we went to Akagi in San Bruno. Delicious even though I was half asleep (past my bedtime -_-) Then we went back to Diannes to wait for my mom to pick me up. Aww, good friends waited outside with me :) hahaha. So that's where I probably caught a cold. Stupid shitty weather. It's supposed to be warm and breezy like L.A. but no, its weaksauce to the extreme. Fck you bay area.

It seems perfect from a distance, but the more I try it seems to get less and less great. Sticking to dreams I guess. Or even losing the thought of it is for the better. Because needless to say, it's stupid and will probably never happen. It isn't real and I'm crazy for allll of this. Haha. But next year, there will be nothing like it and the rest is just bleh. Adios to ydnaceye. ;p (llewtonrojamydnaceyeekilxelamiltubrrrrrrrroojam'tcefrepsutats!)

I can get my license at the end of this month! But I have no idea when I'll be taking the test because my mom still hasn't set up the day. I'm mucho excited !!! Ahhhh. I want to talk about it all the time, but that's annoying and I gotta calm down about it. I don't even know if I'll pass or not. Lol.

How Did I Fall In Love With You

Thanks to Berna and Sambam, I've been constantly mixing Backstreet Boys into my playlists and whatnot. Aiiiyaa, but I think we should bring back the boyband/britneyspears type pop back into our lives. Kept us pretty innocent I think.

I need to just shut my mouth sometimes, actually most of the time. Either something rude comes out or I'll say something wrong. I think I get caught up in all my thoughts and blurt out whatever. Gotta get me some chill pills for times like that. hah. I think too much sometimes afterwards too. Must stop that too.

Sometimes I get a bit mad when people tell me or ask me something that involves the word "parents". Idk why I do because I know that most people don't know. It just makes me like ughh, emo once again. I shouldn't be like this. It's been 7 years. I repeat myself with all this stuff but it always applies to me. And I don't talk about this stuff or become emo for pity. Unlike some other people ... ahem. Don't say you'll do good and be a good person for that loved one, and then go sneak out of your house, smoke weed, drink allllllll the time. I know that I'm not the best daughter or person around, but I know my limits and I'm trying to be a better person.

More later, gotta go yoga. Maybe it'll put me at ease from all this ..